Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
