Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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