pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
