Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
