Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I accidentally had phone sex last night
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
