Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
