Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
