I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
