remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
