My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
