i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
