nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Drake has all the answers
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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