If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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