i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
