If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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