Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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