Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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