I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
