saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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