i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
