In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Welp...herpes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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