just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
