Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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