i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
