oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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