were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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