Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
