People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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