Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
