apparently the secret to your success is patron
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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