What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
