it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
