just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
