I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
