You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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