i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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