Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
