I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
