playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
