we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
