i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
