just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
