You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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