Define "chronic" masturbator.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Damn victory sex feels great
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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