had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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