Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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