dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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