I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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