I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
