woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What a dumb baby whore.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
