Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
home. puking in laundry basket.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
