She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
